A Plaid Pillow
by Vanilla and Blood
Summary: “Edward I have to stay with… Jake…” He loved me of that I was sure. But I wasn’t sure my love was enough. With Bella gone, will Edward let his stone cold heart die with the love he felt for Bella?... click to read more of summary, and story
1. Romeo and Paris

**Summary: "**_Edward I have to stay with… Jake…" He loved me of that I was sure. But I wasn't sure my love was enough. With Bella gone, will Edward let his stone cold heart die with the love he felt for Bella? or will time heal all wounds for even his kind. Love can be put to the test and that is what Edward will do._

_**Romeo and Paris**_

_M_y heart begged me to differ. Each step I took in the misty rain, reminded me of a memory, I wasn't ready to lose. Could Alice be right?

I never imagined losing her. She couldn't be here to tear up what was left of my silent heart. _Yet again_… I mused in a sicken way.

Every step I took closer to the house I could hear the heart rate increase and scent become stronger…_blushing? _I really hoped against all odds that I could sleep and this would all be a dream. But I seriously doubted that, no matter how selfish, I thought grudgingly. I zeroed in on her mind alone. Ignoring all chatter internally that really started to get me frustrated.

I agonizingly reached the door at human speed. There was no need to rush her decision I agreed condescendingly.

When the brass doorknob, all too quickly, sprang back and let me in the nearly deserted home. It became a private safe house. My little piece of heaven when I deserved hell… _Ironic huh?_

For I knew I could never deserve _love_. The most fickle word out there… It is used many times I told myself, but how often is it, truly and irrevocably used? Tempting as my situation was I resisted and relied on that word to get my heart and crystallized mind on the right path.

I heard the faintest creek from the floor as I undoubtedly walked lithe like to the couch. I could smell the salt as it would drop down her cheek in the most adorable pattern…

I wielded my dead weight body to stop in front of her. Her hair tangled from distress and cheeks the reddest I've ever seen her delicate skin turn.

I fought internally… to comfort her would only hurt me in the long run… but how much can one _monsters _heart be teared… I may be immortal but I'm not superman!

I just stood there. This only brought up a new round of tears whish made me draw the line and envelop her and her sweet scent in my arms.

Bella drew in a ragged breath with great effort I supposed.

"I guess y-you know my c-ch-…" but her voice faltered and she unthinkingly sank her lovely lips to my lips and drew herself upward to kiss me more passionately than ever. It was filled with remorse and underlying truth. But I questioned the love in it. How could something so unfaltering do this?

I pulled away. I couldn't take this any longer.

"I know your choice." For the first time in almost a hundred and ten years my voice wavered. She tried to reach out to me greedily, but thought better of it. I almost reached to but waited for her choice, and when she fell to the floor sobbing I heard the finality behind her heaves and tears.

As to prolong the moment I tried to hear truth in my words but failed miserably. "I love…" But I couldn't control the emotions that hit me like a ton of bricks and I fled to the only safe haven I had left. Where no voices could give me pity or grievance for I knew one of my only reasons for li- existing, I caught myself.

Juliet would never return.

**---Like, love, hate? If I get no reviews telling me other wise, I will probably just delete this idea of a story. I thought it **_**might**_** have been good but what do I know?---**

**LOVE 3**


	2. Aurora Borealis

**A/N: Really you liked it?! Yeay! So here is Chapter 2… I hope ya like it! Please I have 37 hits, PLEASE review!!!! I need help!**

**--For the record I am for ExB but my story isn't as it seems!--**

**As always ENJOY and this chapter is going to be longer. (not by much though...)**

_**Aurora Borealis**_

If there was a God why did he need to torture me further? I try my best to live an orthodox life.

As I questioned my hopeless existence and situation, the speed of my feet drowned out the pain.

Each time I moved one of my feet the intensity was washed out, by pushing me further. I didn't want to go home because I would only bring them down with me… But I promised Bella I would watch after her. The revulsion of how I felt should not turn me on my own word.

I was a hypocrite, this word didn't fully go into depth but if I was human I would call it this.

I finally reached, "our" meadow, and sat down, and faltered to decide what to do next. While she _loved _me I got to be human even if the time seemed too short. The Volturi seemed the next best thing to do… This time there was no question, she was dead to me.

No, I can't though! This can't be all my life. I lived to protect Isabella Swan? If it wasn't for me she would be dead.

The damn dog wouldn't even have had a chance with her, because she wouldn't even be alive!

After I calmed my breathing, and slowly released the pull on my hair I realized the beauty of nature around me. The world so glorious could not of created something so hatred filled, and hideous (a/n: metaphorically, of course) as me.

I need to talk to Alice. Surely, she could help get me through this, but I don't want to involve anyone else in my family. So I tried to make a choice that she would see and come immediately. Not even stopping to tell the others.

I chose to kill Jacob Black.

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At first I thought of this idea because only Alice knew I would never do that to ruin Bella's happiness. So she would know something was terribly wrong.

The longer the idea sat in my head; the more it appealed to me. It was like blood but only better. This time killing would feel right. However I knew it would hurt Bella more than I could ever think to allow.

… That was than…

This is now…

As I sat in the partly cloudy meadow I saw the sun come out against its will. The strange warmth made the pieces of my heart only hurt more.

It reminded me of the warmth of her body. I slid my snug black shirt off. Uncaring to its price or value, and let the sun give me a bit of my humanity back, before I felt the venom in the back of my throat ache to be used. It was like a calling only stronger.

Alice would be here shortly I calmed myself. What was I thinking; she would probably make things worse. On the other hand we were freaks among freaks, we needed to stick together.

That when her thoughts became louder…

_Edward! The hell! If you were to lay a finger on that mut! Don't be selfish that means breaking the treaty for all of us! And you would break her heart… _Her thoughts were cut off by my chagrin. How could she think of that!

While she hurried through the forest I sat there pretending to be unshaken. That's when her hard to miss porcupine hair came out of the woods and stared at me. Her face probably mirrored my intense gaze. Black eyes and all…

"Why are you still here?" her voice was between shock and relief. Obviously, she wasn't ready to get rid of Port Angeles as a shopping escape.

"And I'm the selfish one?" I asked quizzically raising an eyebrow in mock disbelief.

**--- So much homework! But since I kindly got 6 reviews!!!! (I LOVE reviews!) I thought I would post this Chapter!!! **

**Special thanks to…**

**-**Hale WILL provail

-goBacktoSchool (by the way it was a metaphor!)

-SplashofSilverInk

-CullensAndHalesForever

-edwardluvbellax

-jade-G

**Please if you read will you review?! It not only helps me… it makes me happy [review, plus, happy author, equals, more updates!)**

**LOVE **

**(question, comment, concern[review or PM)**


	3. Sweet Delusions

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading my story! And a special thanks to all who have reviewed! (please keep them coming!) Without further or do… Chapter 3**

**Chapter 3**

Alice looked exasperated. But never the less pleased by the way the conversation slowly started to ease.

"Okay Edward, calmly explain," she ushered me on with slight hand motions. I felt like a two year old. Stubbornly being told to stop doing something.

I stood up abruptly. "Why does it matter anymore?"

She looked at me deprecatingly, obviously missing the point. She wanted me to let out my anger, hit something, cry out loud in anguish. But there was nothing left.

Only numb that spread through my body. I couldn't kill Jake. It was just like him to take away the last bit of me, that created a façade of humanity. 

"Oh!" Alice exclaimed. I knew that look on her face and was aware that I _could _look at whatever she was seeing. I was all too curious, but I somehow refrained myself.

That's when the trees blew around me and my keen senses showed a delicate Alice whispering, "catch ya later."

I was stunned. Either by the sheer impossibility of that girl, or the nerve she had, to attempt to close her mind from me. _"Nice try Eddie…" _Damn that selfish psychic.

She left me standing there. As quickly as she came she left. Giving me all too much reason to leave, but to where?

If I went home I would be hit with the sympathy, and I didn't want any of that from them. It left me option less, and suicide seemed pointless. 

That was until I heard the footsteps of someone outside of the woods. The blood was stronger, as though the blood was leaking out of the body. It was all I could do till I opened my mind to the voice in my head. It was a man's voice deep, scraggly, it seemed that he had too many drugs in his system.

_What a fool she was. "Hey baby… plant a kiss right here…" _

I heard enough and knew that this man was about to rape a young lady. But why couldn't I find her through her thoughts? It was just like Isabella all over again. But somehow I felt obliged to protect her. It was as if I could maintain my love through helping someone else. I helped other humans before, why not this one? 

This total stranger overwhelmed me.

I knew she was bleeding, and as the slight breeze came through the silent woods, I could almost feel the distant horror I would seem to them. Her blood smelled wrong somehow… As if it was clogged by something, date rape drugs? I presumed the worst but what else was I left to do?

I just ran. As fast and as silent as my existence would allow. No matter how hungry I was, I wouldn't allow this to happen to a human who had other options. She could live, be happy and damn well not end up with werewolves!

So what do I do to the attacker? Is this what Alice saw?

The only other noise besides the rhythm of my breathing, was the hollow wind as it lightly touched my ears and whipped my hair around in a soothing way…

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-----TIME PASSES------ 

I reverted into a sick monster. I feared my own damn shadow. How sad is this? But true, for my inner monster was my worst fear besides falling in love.

She was always a distant part of my memories, a dream when I couldn't sleep. But crying will get me nowhere, and I'm tired of believing everyone else's crap! Ugh!

My eyes wandered the wooden path that let you hear the quiet cooing of the birds. I could name half the exotic mix, but why does that matter? It can help no one… I still remember… 

The one night I saw myself in a way, that made me uncivil[_civil hands make civil blood, _(Romeo and Juliet) I almost hurt her. That innocent girl, I saw so much of Isabella Marie Swann, in her it killed me to help her. . .

I wanted her to die. To feel my pain.

To walk in my shoes.

To hate this very existence.

She got to change her mind, she backed out of becoming a vampire, and she didn't know how lucky she is for that choice.

Never to feel the need to hurt innocent people, I was a true monster who couldn't and still can't help humans even after 10 years. (the amount of time that has passed)

I checked in on her recently, I thought distracting my dwindling exterior of a shell. . . . . . .

But my thoughts were trapped by the memory of the little girl. She was about seven years old. The perfect definition of innocence. If it wasn't for the fact I knew I was dead already I would have thought this little angel was there to redeem my soul, I suffered through that much I mean I deserved it… Yeah right guess again.

My path drew to an end. The leaves turned darker in shade but grew brighter through the opening in branches as the light seeped through.

**Ta-DA! I'm sick and sneezing as I type… I thought well since, maybe since you read this far you could comfort a sick wanna-bee author? I love to hear feed back and than I sort of had to post this chapter and I'm sorry its so short!**

**LOVE (PLEASE REVIEW) IF YOU DON'T I MAY CRY!**


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